The Craziest Of Them All
by Skater xoxo Babe
Summary: Jackson is sad when he gets rejected by a girl so he gets this potion for girls to fall all over him, but will it backfire? Will the girl he originally liked want him back, or will someone else want him? His dad has a big secret to tell. Lackson! :P
1. Chapter 1

**So. I love to sing. Today, I was singing the song "Love Potion #9", and I thought of this idea. I hope y'all like it. **

**Love Potion #9**

**Miley's POV**

I may be boy crazy, but I never attempt to understand the male mind.

My brother for instance, only goes for one specific girl at a time. Usually the girls he tries to impress are the dumb blondes that go to his school. That is the only reason that they ever say yes when he asks them out: they are dumb.

When I use the term "dumb blonde", I am not saying all blondes are dumb, especially because when I am Hannah Montana, I am a blonde. I am just saying that the only girls that me brothers dares to ask out are the airhead blondes that are stupid enough to say yes.

Once, he was trying to ask out this girl named Becky, and he used the lamest excuse in the book, and said that he would tutor her. He actually thought that he could get into her pants by pretending to tutor her? I can't believe it. How would my brother be a tutor anyway? I bet you that she is smarter than him.

Today, when Jackson came home from school, he was all mopey and sad because he was rejected by a girl yet again. This time, it was because she had overheard him nicknaming her bad-breath Becky, and Brainless Becky.

I always like getting a good laugh from watching girls get mad at him.

Jackson also thinks that if he writes in a diary, girls will like him more. He doesn't know that I know about his diary, and he especially doesn't know that I read it every morning after he has already left for school.

Anyway, he walked into the house through the back door, and plopped onto the couch in front of the TV. He snatched the remote control from me, even though I was already watching "Zombie Slayer" and was in the middle of the episode.

He flipped through the channels, until he saw one title that said "Love Potion #9". He stopped there because he thought it was some corny movie about a guy with a broken heart. When Jackson changed the channel to this, I walked toward my bedroom to watch "Zombie Slayer" in there.

**Jackson's POV**

I turned up the volume as the theme song to the movie I just began watching came on. I listened to the lyrics of the song closely because I was bored, and because I liked the tune.

"_I took my troubles down to Madame Rue  
_

_You know that gypsy with the gold-capped tooth  
_

_She's got a pad down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine  
_

_Sellin' little bottles of Love Potion Number Nine."_

This gave me an idea! My friends always told me not to use any of my cologne because none of the ladies liked it, but first of all, I was not going for ladies, I was going for hot chicks! Second of all, ever since then no girl wanted to come near me, but the girls were all over my friends. I'm beginning to think that my friends tricked me.

I have this whole cabinet of rarely used cologne in my bedroom, and I remembered the name of one specific kind of cologne that I had never used before. The cologne was called "Love Potion".

Normally, if I had thought of a good idea like this, which was hardly ever, I would have ran upstairs to my bedroom to the the supplies I needed or something like that, but I was too interested in the song. Who knows, maybe I could get more ideas from the song.

"_I told her that I was a flop with chics  
_

_I've been this way since 1956_

_She looked at my palm and she made a magic sign  
_

_She said "What you need is Love Potion Number Nine"_

That verse didn't give me much help, but I continued listening, because I didn't want to lose any great ideas.

"_She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink  
_

_She said "I'm gonna make it up right here in the sink"  
_

_It smelled like turpentine, it looked like Indian ink  
_

_I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink."_

If I want the Love Potion to actually work, I should do exactly what the guy does in the song: hold my nose, close my eyes, and drink away. I will eventually need more of my Love potion, so I will look at the ingredients on the back of the bottle, and make some more, just like the gypsy did in the song. I have to remember to make it in the sink, or it might not work right.

"_I didn't know if it was day or night  
_

_I started kissin' everything in sight_

_But when I kissed a cop down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine  
_

_He broke my little bottle of Love Potion Number Nine."_

At this point in the song, there was a guitar solo, so I ran upstairs to write my idea in my diary, that I actually call my journal so it doesn't sound nearly so girlie.

I wrote every detail of my brilliant plan in my "journal" just in case I forgot by tomorrow.

I'm really excited about all the girls that will dig me now!

**A/N: I know that was really corny, but that was partly my goal. I also know that Jackson is a complete moron, and doesn't realize that Love Potion does not actually work. Review if you think that I should continue this story. I definitely will not continue unless i get at least 10 reviews. Hope y'all are enjoying this so far!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so it has been a while since I have updated, but still, I think you will find a few fun surprises in this chapter. I hope you like it:)**

**Chapter Two**

Jackson's POV

I walked in the doors of my school, and I saw that all of the girls looked disgusted. It must be because they had not seen me. I walked up to Jenny, who I have chem-lab with, and she looked even more nauseous than any of the other girls.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, trying to sound like the caring guy that I am deep down... Way deep down.

"On your way to school, did you get sprayed with a skunk, or is that how you have always smelled?" she asked while covering her nose and gagging.

"It's just my cologne. It's called 'Love Potion,' see?" I said, holding up the bottle of oddly colored liquid in her face so she could see it. "Anyway, there are no skunks around here."

"Well, you smell absolutely horrid! I can't believe I ever wanted to go out with you!" Jenny said, and stomped off.

A few seconds later, a boy came up to me and said, "Don't you know that you are supposed to do that in the bathroom? I mean, that is just gross!"

I walked to the boy's bathroom, and opened the bottle of cologne. I breathed in the smell, and almost threw up. "This definitely is not how it smelled when I got it."

"What could have possible made it smell this bad?" I asked myself. "It could have gone bad, the good smell could have evaporated, Miley could have replaced it, a skunk might have gotten to it..." I slapped myself on the head. I mean, it is so obvious that Miley must have replaced the actual contents in it with dog pee or something.

I walked down the hall toward the nurse's office, and planned on how I was going to fake sick. This would be easy. I would say that someone sprayed me with something, and it smelled so bad that I puked, or something like that.

I knocked on the door to the nurse's office. I have been an expert at coming up with excuses to go home sick for that past two years, ever since I saw how gorgeous and young the school nurse was. I went there two or three times a month on average. I am so close to the nurse, she never even has to ask my name when I come in anymore.

I was rather excited about seeing the tall blond nurse today after being completely rejected by all the other girls I attempted to talk to, but I made myself hide the excitement. If she saw how excited i was, she would first of all think that I am some sort of pervert for wanting to see her, and second of all, she would never buy the whole sick act.

The door slowly opened, and I saw her perfect face. She had her beautiful smile on, and her eyes were all sparkly, the way girl's eyes get when they are extremely happy about something. Wait a second, the huge smile on her face and her sparkly eyes mean that something important happened to her, but what?

"Miss Martin, what are you so happy about?" I finally decided to ask once she led me into her office. I sat down on the bed covered in this weird kind of papery thing, and waited for a response.

"Well, if you must know, the man I have been seeing for the past eight months just proposed to me last night," she said, her smile widening, so all of her straight, white teeth shown. Her cheeks were rosy red, and her eyes sparkling more than ever.

"Oh," I said, disappointment in my voice. I looked at my feet, kind of embarrassed, because I had fallen for an older women that obviously was seeing someone. I felt like a complete idiot.

"Jackson, what are you here for this time?' she asked, her smile shrinking at the thought of someone being sick, even though she should kind of expect it.

"When I got to school, someone sprayed me with something disgusting smelling. It is so disgusting, that I actually puked at the smell. I feel like I'm going to be even sicker just thinking about the smell, let along breathing it in," I said with a little cough, just to make it a little more believable, even though it didn't sound at all realistic.

"I don't suppose you were able to take a shower since then," she said as politely as she could.

"Of coarse not! Can't you smell me?" I asked, raising my voice. Now that I think about it, that was probably a bad idea since she is my elder and an authority figure. "I am sorry for shouting."

"Quite all right," she said. "Just call your dad and explain the situation to him. I'm sure he will come and pick you up. If he does not want to pick you up, I will let you lay down in here until you start to feel better."

She flashed me a sweet smile, and then walked over to her desk. "I'll be right here filling out a few forms if you need anything. I just need to give your teachers some papers saying that I excused you from school and that your parent came to pick you up," she said as she began writing on one of the papers.

"But what if my dad does not want to come and pick me up?"

"Then instead, I will give your teachers a paper that says that you will be in my office until you feel better," she said, still smiling her perfect smile.

As soon as she sat down in the chair at her desk, I couldn't help but to stare at her body. I never noticed how perfectly shaped it was until now. I just knew that she was skinny and that's all.

"She has such a nice..."

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" she said turning to me, which made me stop staring at her.

"Oh, I was just talking to myself," I said quickly. That was close.

"Why don't you just call your dad now, and see if he will come and pick you up?" she suggested, still focusing on the papers she was filling out.

"That sounds like a good idea."

I picked up the phone, and began dialing my home phone number. _Ring!_ No answer. _Ring! _Still no answer. _Ring! _My dad was still not picking up. _Ring! _I was about to give up when I heard my dad's voice at the other end of the line.

"Hello?" he said.

"Dad, it's me. I am in the nurse's office. I threw up in the boy's bathroom. Can you come pick me up?" I asked, trying as hard as I possible could to sound sick.

"Okay, I will be there in a couple of minutes. Let me just throw some clothes on," he said sounding annoyed at me for faking sick yet again. He always knew when i was faking sick, but he always came to pick me up because he has seen how beautiful the nurse is, and he would take any opportunity to see her. He also did not want to seem mean to me in front of her. I think that he was always secretly hoping to impress her, even though he was not doing a very good job at it.

"Thanks dad... Wait, did you just say that you are not wearing clothes?" I asked quietly, making sure that Miss Martin would not hear that part.

"No, I just mean that I am still wearing my sweats from jogging. I need to wear real clothes to impress that school nurse," he said with a chuckle. "Bye."

"Bye," I said while rolling my eyes, even though he couldn't see it. You know what they say: it's the though that counts.

I looked at Miss Martin. "My dad is on his way."

**Author's Note!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Did you like that chapter?**

**Do you want me to continue?**

**Review if you think that I should write another chapter!**

**I am open to any suggestions!**

**If any of you use neopets, my username is roxirose!**

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**Thanks for reading!**

**Luv 'ya!**


	3. Chapter 3

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**I am so sorry about not updating in a while, but I had a total writer's block:( I hope you like this chapter because it took me a while to come up with. I have had this idea in my head for quite some time, but now I am getting it on paper… or computer, whichever you prefer. **

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox Chapter Three 

Jackson's POV

When I got home, I was about to run up to my bathroom to puke my head off, when my dad stopped me.

"Son, I know that you are feeling sick, but later today, I need you awake for a family meeting," he said, and then let go of me.

"Did I do something wrong that I can't remember?" I asked him, forgetting completely about my nausea. "Or did Miley do it this time?"

"Nobody did anything. I just need to talk to you and your sister about something," he stated and took some juice out of the fridge. "Did you do something that I should know about?" He took a big gulp out of his Orange Juice.

"No, dad, I promise. I didn't do anything," I said quickly, and ran into my bathroom over the toilet.

I looked down at the chunks of my breakfast floating in the toilet, and the sight made me even more nauseous. I felt food coming through my throat once more, out of my mouth, and into the toilet.

As I tried to hold back another flow of vomit coming through my system, I thought about what my dad had said. What would he need to talk to Miley and me about? Maybe it's that mystery woman he's been dating for the past few weeks. He hasn't told us who he dates ever since that date with that realtor chick. He doesn't even write it in his PDA. I wouldn't believe it if he proposed.

Why am I thinking these things. Dad always said that he married mom because he had plenty of time to get to know her, and he really felt like he could trust her. This woman, who I haven't even met, has only known my dad for a few weeks now, so he would never ask her to marry him at this point.

I'm sure that he needs to talk to us about something else. Maybe, just maybe, he will give us our credit cards back. At least, he might give me mine back. After all, Miley is the reason that they got taken away, so why should she get hers back?

Maybe, he is going to tell us that he is going to try his singing career again. Oh wait, he already tried that.

Okay, I am all out of ideas about what he might tell us.

I stood up from the bathroom floor, and entered my bedroom. I plopped down on the bed, and drifted off to sleep.

"_Miley, Jackson, I have been meaning to tell you that I got us a pet!" my dad said to us with a huge grin on his face._

_A big elephant stomps into the room, and destroys at least half of the ceiling. _

"_Dad, not even I am stupid enough to get a pet elephant. I mean, how are we going to pay the expenses for it like food, and water, and a place for it to sleep?" I asked, cringing as it took a gigantic step toward me._

_We will pay for it's food with your gas money. You are going to be so busy taking care of your new pet you won't have time to go anywhere," he said, and laughed evilly._

"_No car? You can't do this to me!" I yelled at him._

"_We will just give it 7/8 of your water. If it dies from dehydration, it will be your fault for not giving it all of your water!" he snapped at me. "You don't want to cause the death of a poor animal like this, would you?"_

"_What about me? I don't want to cause the death of me! I am the one that will die of dehydration!"_

"_And you always said that you wanted a dog. This is close enough. You can let it sleep on the end of your bed."_

"_What? There will be no room for me! Where will I sleep? What about me?" I screamed._

"_You are not important! You know that if anyone in this family is important, it is your sister!"_

"_She was always your favorite because she is the youngest!"_

"_Miley, you can have all of Jackson's things like his car because he won't need them anymore. He is much too busy with his new pet to care about any of those things, aren't you Jackson?" my dad asked, making me sweat. Since when has my dad ever acted like this?_

"_I'm not too busy! Why don't you give the elephant to Miley? She is the one that wanted to be in the circus when she was six years old! Do I get a choice of what goes on in my life?"_

"_No Jackson! You know that nobody cares about what you think! Everything is about your sister!" My dad glared at me, and I could almost swear that I saw satin in his eyes. He turned back to a smiling Miley, and said, "Don't worry. You won't ever be as worthless as your brother."_

"_I am not worthless!" I screamed!_

"_Oh yes you are!" he shouted back, and began shaking me by the shoulders. "Now go get me my food! I looked down at my body, and saw that I was wearing a maid's outfit -- dress and all._

_I stood still. I am never going to sink so low as to being my family's personal slave._

"_Jackson! Get your lazy butt up, and go do it!" he yelled louder than ever._

Everything began getting blurry, and I heard a faint voice, and I could feel my body slightly shaking. I opened my eyes, and saw my dad shaking my shoulders, saying, "Jackson, get up," His voice was much softer than it had been before.

I looked around the room, and noticed that I was on the bed in my bedroom. It was all just a nightmare. A horrible, horrible nightmare! Miley perfect, and me, a nobody. Not true at all (opposite of what happened in "I Am Hannah, Hear Me Croak!).

I sat up in my bed, and I felt really dizzy.

"Jackson, it is time for the family meeting that I said we would have," I heard my dad's familiar voice say. "Time to get up.

He helped me out of bed, and we walked downstairs, where I saw Miley, waiting patiently on the couch.

"Kids, I have to tell you something very important…"

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**Author's Note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Did You like that chapter?**

**Did you hate it?**

**If you can guess what Robbie Ray is going to tell them, later on, you will be able to read any chapter before it is posted! **

**I have a really good idea for the next chapter, so the faster I get reviews, the faster I update!**

**If I get 10 reviews, I will update within 24 hours of the 10th review.**

**If you have any ideas for what is going to happen later on in the story, please tell me, because I love getting new ideas!**

**If you have any constructive criticism or flames, I will happily take them so I know what I am doing wrong, and I know what not to do in the future.**

**Please check out my other stories, because they are much better than this one, and if you like this one, you are sure to like my other ones.**

**Remember, if you want tofind out what he is going to tell them, you have to review!**

**Thank you to all of the people that have been kind enough to take the time and review.**

**I would also like to thank the people that don't review because they still take the time to read the story, and I like that almost as much… But I do like getting reviews more.**

**Please check out stories of some of these authors because they are terrific, and I think that you might like them:**

**Sidhe-anomaly**

**-Lilly-Jackson-**

**StarCrossed.Emma**

**DarkElements10**

**Crazy4oliver**

**And some others that are on my favorites list that I can't think of off the top of my head.**

**Thank you for reading, and to the people that alos review, thank you for reviewing:)**

**Luv 'ya!**


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